The Search

 ON MY GRIEF 

This album is therapy. Listen at your own risk: 

I lost my Tita Emma last Valentine's Day, February 14th, 2024. 

It was said by my grandfather that she was the most beautiful out of the 8 sisters in my mother's side of the family and I honestly agree.

I had an exam that day, bought a rose, then found out she suddenly went unconscious and was rushed to the ICU.

My rose didn't make it. Maybe she heard me as I talked to her beside her hospital bed, but she never got to see the rose.

She has 2 sons, and always wanted a daughter. She got married and bore sons at around 15 years old. Years later, she was supposed to have a daughter. Still-born baby; no heartbeat.

Her name was Rosita.

I grew up with Tita Emma in and out of my life, and she always treated me like the daughter she never had.

She didn't know emotional regulation, so she acted like a child around me. We'd bond about her traumas in life, but we'd also bond about how my life is like, and she would tell me how it is best to live like a 'proper woman'.

She told me that her life was hard. She was a lover-fighter like that.

Losing her sucked the soul out of me. It did not help that the rest of the family members decided to write their own narratives, and that my core family were the jokers.

It was a circus I was sick to perform in. I just lost my grandmother four months ago before this point.

It is the responsibility and the burden of the family doctor/s to perform the healing duties, and our boundaries weren't well-defined. Kindness with boundaries is a challenge that everyone faces. 

All my focus was on my Tita Emma this whole time; to honor her the best way she deserved.

Now, I wish her well, and I have let her go. I'm letting go of my anger day by day. 

I'm confronting my labyrinths everyday.

We do the soul work to live. We self-express through art to live. We read to live. We move to live.

It's really not that deep 💗